What a Day!

I got in at half past 9… don’t worry I wasn’t at school that long. I got home from school at 6, we went to the pub for dinner as a treat and then I went down the road as one of our neighbours would like a Science tutor for their son so we went to discuss what they’d like. I’m tired now though. Normally when I get in from work I get into my jim jams but I obviously couldn’t do that tonight so I haven’t really relaxed until now.

I had no free periods today either so I only really sat down at half past 4 after our departmental meeting. I wanted to get a bit of work done after the meeting but I spent most of it having a “heated discussion” with my sister-in-law which upset me as I normally get on well with her. I won’t go into details but, like many family disputes, it involves a will and some inheritance. I was only trying to stand up for my husband but she took it way too personally and ended up telling me I “wasn’t ready” for a baby. Regular readers will know that this is a very sensitive subject for me as I have been advised not to try for a baby because of my medication so this was a very low blow – she knows my meds situation, and she suffers from mental health issues herself so she really should’ve known better.

So I’m feeling a bit low. This is unusual for me as I normally tend towards the manic end of the bipolar spectrum. I’ve been feeling so positive about work but the baby issue is playing on my mind, yet again. It hurts so much more that this comment came from someone who knows me very well, someone I think of as the sister I never had, someone who I’ve sent flowers to when she’s had a depressive episode.

We’re meant to be visiting my in-laws at the weekend but I really don’t want to go now. I can’t face her at the moment. She won’t apologise either – she’s not the sort to back down. I might apologise for winding her up tomorrow – be the bigger person, but it wouldn’t be genuine. I’m not sorry for what I said but I am incredibly hurt by her words.

I’ll sleep on it.

Advertisements

First Week Done!

It’s Friday! The first week of teaching has come and gone – very quickly! I’ve only had two free periods all week, which I think is part of the reason why this week has flown by. It’s been really good: no major problems with any of my classes, most of the pupils have been really nice and eager to learn, and I’ve been keeping on top of my work. Tonight I marked a set of books, and I’m fully planned up to next Wednesday. So I can chill this weekend.

Having a work-free weekend was important for me this week as we’re off to the West Country to meet my friend’s new baby. We’re driving to Bristol first, and then going in one car to Bridgwater with my other best friend and her other half. I am so excited but I think my husband is dreading it a little bit as he knows it’ll set me off into broody mode once again.

I’m going to try to not get depressed about the fact we can’t start our own family yet – sorry, I know I’m repetitive! But it has been playing on my mind a lot recently as I know a few people who are either pregnant or have just given birth. I just have to keep telling myself that our time will come eventually.

Generally though I’m feeling pretty positive, especially at work funnily enough! Fingers crossed that this feeling endures for the rest of the term, and the year!

Sunday Feelings

So, term starts properly tomorrow. I’m feeling nervous but also a teeny bit excited; does that make me weird? The day will start with me meeting my Year 7 tutor group in the playground. I met them on their Year 6 tranisition day in July but I didn’t actually get that much time with them, but tomorrow I get over 2 hours with them! We’ll finish off the stuff we didn’t manage to do on transition day, I’ll ask them about their summer holidays, and I’ll probably take them on another tour of the school too.

Proper lessons start period 3 and I kick off with a Year 9 mixed ability group. One of the boys in there is a really tricky character but hopefully we’ll get off on the right foot. He is one of those really frustrating boys who won’t focus or do very much in lessons, but does really well in tests! I then have a year 10 group – I forget what ability they are as I’ve got 4 Year 10 classes this year. Then after lunch I would normally have Year 7 but they’ve got an assembly so that’s nice and easy.

After school we’ve got an outside speaker until 5pm – I just hope it’s interesting and interactive, as otherwise I may be in danger of falling asleep! My lessons for tomorrow are all planned, my seating plans are all done and I’ve collected all the exercise books I need. I feel ready. I need to do well this term as it will no doubt determine whether or not my contract is made permanent.

I best go now as my cousin and her fiancé are coming round before we go to the pub for lunch. She’s just about to start her first term as a primary NQT, so no doubt there will be a lot of teaching chat.

Feeling Optimistic

Term starts tomorrow, with two INSET days. I’ve prepared by going into work both today and yesterday to get my room ready, and get some admin tasks out of the way. I’m glad I did because it’s helped me feel more positive about the start of the new school year.

Another reason for me feeling optimistic is that one of my best friends gave birth yesterday to a gorgeous baby boy. I can’t wait to meet him in a couple of weeks’ time. It has, however, made me feel incredibly broody! It is so frustrating that we’re not in a position to start our own family yet.

I’m off now to give blood – I feel very privileged that I’m able to do this. I really could save a life! And that’s a great feeling.

Sorry for the short post; I’ll do a longer one once I’ve been back at work!

Wedding Prep

I loved the build up to our wedding, apart from the a slight hiccup a couple of weeks before – see my “about me” page – and I actually do miss the planning. I don’t however miss the paying for things; weddings really do add up. But I actually loved doing all the organising; the first thing I bought after I came back from our engagement trip was to buy a wedding planner and folder. My husband used to laugh at me carrying the planner everywhere but it was so useful. After our wedding and honeymoon were over, and normal life resumed, I did feel a bit of a void; I didn’t know what to think about in my free time.

Luckily though, my sister-in-law and my cousin (who were my 2 bridesmaids) are getting married next year so I’ve got 2 family weddings to look forward to. What’s even better is that my sister-in-law has asked me to be her maid of honour so I get to be involved in the planning, which I’ve loved. I helped her choose her beautiful dress, been to wedding fairs, visited the reception venue, and helped her brainstorm ideas for other bits and bobs. I also found the bridesmaid dresses in the John Lewis sale – tried them on yesterday and they are perfect. Just need shoes and other accessories now. My sister-in-law’s done pretty much everything else apart from the invitations. She’d like to go to Italy for her hen do but we haven’t booked that yet either.

My cousin hasn’t asked me to be part of her bridal party but it’ll be nice just to relax and enjoy the day as a guest with my husband and parents. I’m looking forward to buying a new dress for the day – I’ll have to be careful it’s not too thick or doesn’t have too many layers as her wedding is in the middle of August!

I do love a wedding – I always cry, without fail. I went to a couple of weddings a few years ago where I didn’t even know the couple that well but I was still tearful! I didn’t cry during the ceremony itself at our wedding, but I did cry as I walked down the aisle with my father. It was the first time I had heard the music in the chapel and it completely overwhelmed me with how beautiful it was. I wouldn’t have changed anything about our day, not even the rain.

So, lots to look forward to in my family at the moment. I just hope these two girls don’t have babies before us as that’ll get me really down!

 

Long Time No Write!

Hi all! I’m so sorry that it’s been so long since my last post! I’d almost forgotten about this blog to be honest. A lot has happened since I last wrote on here.

I went through a bit of a rough patch at work last autumn/winter. I did badly in a couple of observations and that triggered a lot of drop-ins and an intervention period. I’m not going to lie – it was horrible. I hated going to work. I was so unhappy. I eventually left the school in the Spring term and started a new job after Easter.

My new school is about 5 minutes from my house so my morning commute is a lot easier! The Science department is great – very supportive. I’ve only had one proper observation during the whole term. A few members of SLT popped in from time to time, but nothing official. All of my classes were small intervention groups, which was a nice way to settle into a new school. I’ll have full classes from September.

The only major problem with the job is that I’m on a one-year contract to start with; the uncertainty is a tad unsettling and it means we can’t get a bigger mortgage until I’m made permanent. I’m finding this very frustrating as we can’t really get a dog or have a baby until we move to a house with a garden. One of my best friends is due to have her first baby in a couple of weeks time, and I’m more than a bit envious.

Of course the other obstacle stopping us from starting a family is my medication. The effects of quetiapine on babies in utero are not well documented but my GP has advised that I’m fully off it before trying for a baby, so that’s the plan. Last year, after my episode before our wedding, I reduced my dosage from 300 to 200mg but there’s still a way to go. My plan is to keep on my current dosage until at least October half term; I don’t want to decrease it when work will potentially get more stressful than it has been.

So that’s what’s been happening with me! At the moment I’m enjoying the summer holidays. I go away on a Mediterranean cruise a week tomorrow for a fortnight – can’t wait!